Becoming Mom: Part Three

Written By Caroline Bundesman

What I have found most helpful.

When I first found out I was pregnant, one of my very first stops was Barnes & Noble. I marched in determined to buy What to Expect When You’re Expecting—because let’s be honest, it felt like a pregnancy rite of passage. But I didn’t just leave with that one book. I walked out with two more books, a podcast recommendation from a stranger, and a brand-new notebook I was convinced I needed for all the “important thoughts” I’d surely have.

That was my first real taste of just how much information is out there once you’re expecting. Suddenly, I was swimming in it. And it didn’t stop at Google searches, Instagram ads, and a different alogrithim—though yes, those quickly turned into baby gear and prenatal vitamins. My social algorithm got a reboot, too. People start offering advice (lots of it), stories, unsolicited opinions, and mini TED Talks about the best stroller on the market. I honestly started to feel like a walking suggestion box.

All of this—well-meaning as it is—can get overwhelming fast. I noticed that with so many voices in my head, it became harder to hear my own. Was that my intuition talking, or just another reel I watched last night?

In Part 3 of this blog post, I’m sharing what helped me stay grounded through the noise. I’ve also had a few people ask me to share what I ended up choosing—products, decisions, and all—based on my own values and what actually works for me and my family. What works for you might look different, and that’s completely okay. This isn’t a “must-have” list or a parenting prescription. It’s just a glimpse into what helped me stay calm and confident while making about a hundred tiny (and not-so-tiny) choices. If it helps you feel even a little more centered in your own journey, then it’s totally worth sharing.

The most grounding part of my pregnancy so far has been my husband, Sam. He’s truly the right partner for me, and that’s what makes all the difference.

Here’s what I mean: Sam shows up—really shows up. He’s not just watching from the sidelines; he’s in it with me. From the practical stuff to the emotional weight, he’s taken on as much as he can to help me feel well, supported, and steady. He’s collaborative, thoughtful, and engaged. And that kind of presence has mattered more than I expected.

Now, I say all this not to romanticize our relationship. I work with couples—so trust me, I know that no partnership is perfect. You won’t hear me say, “He’s my rock, I couldn’t do this without him!” Because the truth is, I could. Plenty of people do pregnancy and parenting solo, and they do it beautifully. But what I also know is: I don’t want to do this without him. The way we’ve been able to grow together during this pregnancy—navigating choices, emotions, and unknowns—has created a sense of security between us that I simply couldn’t have built on my own.

That’s why my deepest wish for every pregnant person is this: a supportive birth partner. Whether it’s a partner, a friend, a doula, or a family member—someone who’s truly there with you. Someone who can help carry the mental and emotional weight. Someone to help you make decisions, to be steady when things feel shaky, and to help you feel safe.

Pregnancy is a lot—and we shouldn’t have to do it all alone.

Second on my list: I made choices—big ones like what to buy, whether or not to hire a nanny, and even how to think about schooling—based on my actual life and values. And I don’t mean that in a trendy, “shop local, eat vegan” kind of way (though if that’s your thing, amazing). I mean I really paused and looked at how I live day to day, and let that guide me.

What does my life actually look like? I love long walks, trying new restaurants in different neighborhoods, and taking spontaneous weekend trips. I enjoy cooking and eating mostly whole, organic foods. I love my work, my dogs, and being active in my community. Those aren’t just hobbies—they’re pieces of a life I’ve intentionally built.

So when I thought about what kind of parent I want to be, and what I want for my child, I started there. I want to raise a child who feels safe and deeply connected to us. I want to support his emotional, social, and physical development in a way that feels natural to our rhythm. I want him to eat well, play freely, and be in environments that feel nourishing —not just for him, but for all of us.

There’s so much noise out there when you’re preparing for a baby—so many opinions, options, and “must-haves.” But the most grounding thing I did was come back to my own values and lifestyle. That gave me a filter. It helped me say yes to the things that fit, and let go of what didn’t.

If you’re in the midst of this transition, I really encourage you to ask yourself: What does my life actually look like? What do I value? What do I want for my child and for myself as a parent? The answers don’t need to be perfect or final—but having that clarity can make the sea of decisions feel a lot less overwhelming.

Something I’m especially grateful for—and I recognize it’s given me a bit of a head start in certain areas—is my background in Human Development and Family Studies. I spent four years studying how humans grow, connect, and change over time, with a deep focus on everything from infancy through adolescence. Later, I dove even deeper into attachment—how we form bonds, how we attune to one another, and how those early connections shape so much of who we become.

But here’s the truth: the most meaningful learning hasn’t come from textbooks or research articles. Not even the well-meaning neighbors or friends (although I know they come from a good place). It’s been the people I’ve had the privilege of sitting with—observing in studies, listening to at my practice, and learning from in my work over the years. Those who should offer me zero and who I offer all of my knowledge and humanity.

Your stories, your lived experiences, your honesty—they’ve shaped me more than you probably realize. You’ve helped me become a more thoughtful, present person—and now, a more intentional parent.

So truly—thank you.

That said, I didn’t read a ton of books during pregnancy. I didn’t fall down the TikTok rabbit hole of mom advice, and I didn’t follow every expert account on Instagram. For a while, I actually felt a little guilty about that—like maybe I should be consuming more information, doing more research, soaking it all in.

But then I read the second (and final) book I made it through during these nine months—Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman —and it completely shifted my perspective. The accounts everything Pamela learned as an American raising a child in Paris. She shares unspoken norms, unique observations, and how the french seems to have a more regulated approach to parenting, as opposed to American’s for anxious approach. As I read, I kept thinking, Wait… this is exactly how I’ve been feeling. This makes sense to me.

It turns out my instincts lean a bit more European when it comes to parenting—more trust in the process, less over-engineering. That book reminded me that I am already capable and so is my baby. I can make good choices for my baby, trust my gut, and create a safe, healthy environment for us both.

No parenting expert, baby gadget, or algorithm is going to hand me the “right” way to do this—or take away my ability to figure it out. That’s been the most comforting thing of all.

Lastly—once I figured out how I wanted to make decisions, the next step was figuring out which decisions actually needed to be made. Which doctors to see, what to buy (and what not to buy), how to move my body, what to eat. Then there’s all the practical stuff: prepping my practice, organizing our home and finances, creating a living will (yep, that one caught me off guard), sorting out maternity leave… the list goes on.

Honestly, where do you even begin? Can anyone actually be “prepared” to have a baby? This is where I do not have much to offer because you are the expert on your own life, not me. I’m not going to walk you through an expert account on my new life (you’re welcome), but I will say—I feel good about the choices my husband and I have made so far. Especially the foundational ones.

Below, I’ve shared a few pregnancy items I chose to help me stay comfortable and healthy. Plus, some resources that genuinely helped me make decisions along the way. I am going to hold off on sharing baby registry items for now. Once they are vetted, I will create a new post with some thoughts. If it helps, great. If not, no biggie.

Quick note on registries—because this part is kind of funny. If you’re building one, just know that in my experience, the people in my life fell into one of these three categories:

  1. The Rule Followers – They check the registry, buy straight from it, and boom—a neatly packaged gift shows up at your door. (Thank you, Babylist.)

  2. The Registry + Bonus Crowd – They stick to the registry and toss in a surprise or two that’s usually sweet and thoughtful.

  3. The Wild Cards – They may glance at your registry… or not. Then they hit up a baby store, have a blast, and gift you something that’s either wildly off-base or rooted in their own experience and values (which may or may not align with yours). OR, this person hits your “baby style” right on the mark! It’s a mixed bag and we are grateful for it all.

Here is my only piece of advice. I recommend creating a donation bag corner at home. If something doesn’t work for you, it will for someone else. No harm, no shade—just a little real-life resource-sharing. Plus, you get to give to other parents. 

If you’ve made it all the way to the end of this three-part blog series—thank you for being here. Truly. Whether you’re expecting your first baby, already in the thick of parenthood, or just reading along out of curiosity or care, I’m so grateful you chose to spend some time with my words.

My hope in sharing all of this was never to give “expert advice,” but simply to offer a little reassurance—a reminder that you don’t have to do it all perfectly to do it well. That it’s okay to trust yourself. That you’re not alone in the overwhelm, the decision fatigue, the quiet moments of doubt and joy. If even one part of this helped you feel more grounded or seen in your own journey, then it was absolutely worth writing.

To everyone who’s shown up for me and my family—whether you’ve been close by or cheering us on from afar—thank you, from the very bottom of my heart. Your support has meant more than I can put into words.

I’ll be stepping away for a little while to settle into this next chapter, but I’ll be back to share more soon. Until then, take good care of yourselves and each other. I’ll chat with you again in October. 💛

Links:

Books:

Products:

The app Little Bean was super helpful in this process. It let me scan ingredients to flag anything that might not be safe for pregnancy, and it helped guide me toward products I could feel good about using. Here are some of my go-to picks:

Maternity Clothes:

Honestly, I’m not the biggest fan of maternity clothes. I did pick up a few maternity-friendly athletic pieces, but for the most part, I stuck with sizing up in the clothes I already love or chose flowy, more forgiving styles. Here are the pieces that really worked for me:

MSC.

Caroline Bundesman
Next

Becoming Mom: Part Two